How to have a Better Marriage Part 4

There is a primeval motivation in our mating/courting behavior. This exists despite all our attempts to bury it beneath a veneer of respectability. We do joke about it but it can be uncomfortably true and therefore not a good subject for joking. We need to remember that we are not animals driven by instinct. Modern pundits extol the animal aspects of sex because they love to strip away any goodness and true virtue as if they were a Victorian curse; bringing us down to the lowest common level of understanding. When the covers are ripped away from the world’s view of sex it is ugly under there. There is much straining for imagined “highs” leading to deviation, experimentation; producing demoralization jaded appetites and finally moral corruption.

True Christianity does not seek to put the covers back on! Neither does it seek to encourage falseness and pseudo-Victorianism but to bring relational quality and a dimension of fulfillment back into real marriages. Those relationship differences that lead to deviations and marital problems can be repaired by developing better communication between both partners. One of these issues is that of privacy. Nakedness and shame are associated values. Adam and Eve were naked but unashamed until they felt exposed by the truth of their sin. All flesh recoils from truth e.g. you can’t mix sex and funerals can you? All people who are trying to avoid the reality of their lives are shamelessly

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…uncovering in a desperate attempt to pretend there is no truth but they are not nude as they tell us, they are naked!

Nudity is normal in private. Nakedness is a public thing. Women do not fear nudity; they fear nakedness and their husbands motivation will determine which it is by maintaining righteousness. Old Victorian standards (the age of hypocrisy) still prevail but in fact it is either prudish behavior or religious behavior or worse, both. What women need are respect and above all a sense of security.

The so-called marble slab routine wives are sometimes accused of because of unresponsive reaction to male “overtures” are mostly because of the issues we have just discussed. The husband holds the key to this chastity belt, it is called trust. Now it is true that what was once known as the “wowser” attitude (puritanical) does invade our bedrooms with low expectations and correspondently low response; this not helped by methods or Porn Movies or introducing weird sex into the relationship. It is only helped by understanding and trust.

There has been an appalling lack of loving consideration shown toward women in the religious world. We are blessed our wives don’t wear Burka’s but in Old Catholic Church times they pretty much did. Women were and still are not culturally conditioned to enjoying sex in marriage. They have not expected much and now the pendulum is swinging the other way. Instead of elevating good relationships, the world has gone for deviation and twisted expectations driven by a sexual performance fear. People have become jaded and faded and feel they must go to extremes to find pleasure. This has led to the market driven need for pills and all sorts of paraphernalia to enhance sexual prowess. This is spawning a whole new set of false expectations for men and women and as result we are now bombarded with issues of impotence etc.

The everyday dysfunctions of our physical relationships such as premature ejaculation or difficulty in achieving orgasm are normal. With good open communication and reading some decent book, you can overcome these issues because mutual respect and trust is in place. The over emphasis of female response and male size/prowess in our over-sexualized society has created nothing but frustration and disappointment. Pulp fiction and TV writers have a lot to answer for.

It is interesting to note that these writers almost never discuss the very ordinary aspects of sex such as kids, contraception and Kleenex. These are the realities of life along with the matter of pregnancy. As Christians we have a sense of timing for conception. We want to raise godly families in due season. The same applies to contraception which ultimately should be a man’s decision. When the “madness” that strikes us to want more kids, is finally over, the husband could discuss and agree with his wife, pray, then go and have a vasectomy. This is acting responsibly towards our wife by taking the initiative.

As to the practical aspects of “making love” there are excellent books out there which you should both choose to read. In Old Testament times they had the Song of Solomon as a source of good hints. They were not into having heads full of knowledge like modern generations and knew very little of other people’s opinions, consequently they were not filled with wrong expectations. They did live in tents and were much more natural about such matters so would not have many problems.