Will the real "born again" please stand?

For many Christian believers being “Born Again” is like receiving a special “Gold-Card” that provides immunity from some rather unpleasant consequences and becomes the ticket to attend (when the mood strikes) various functions as a card-carrying member of “The Christian Church.”  At least that is how they function in the sight of those who have had a different experience.

Raw Preaching

At best, people can remember a maximum of 20% of any message preached for a maximum of 10 days; unless they find a way to integrate the message into their daily life. The Church of the Western World has adopted the methods of the Scribes of Jesus time: They taught with illustrations, quotes, ear-tickling detail and often passionate eloquence.

Jesus taught in a different way “the crowds were astonished at His teaching because He was teaching them as one who had authority and not as the Scribes..” Matthew 7:28-29. He used brief powerful stories and parables because he knew the limitations of the people; that they could not retain things unless they were expressed in the simplest everyday concepts that they could relate to. He always included a command to action.

How to have a Better Marriage Part 8

1 Peter 3:7: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect and with quality time as the weaker partner and as co-heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will frustrate your prayers.”

We all want others to think and act as we do. We have an unrealistic “aisle altar Hymn” thing going on when we marry. The fact is we do not behave the same and because opposites attract, we are due for a few surprises when we begin to settle into the everyday.

How to have a Better Marriage Part 7

Marriage Killers exist everywhere… There is no end to this subject since the devil who is not inventive will exploit every chink in our armor, running at us with the wind and the hill behind him. 2 Corinthians 2:11: “lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.”

How to have a Better Marriage Part 6

The humdrum of life, meeting obligations and fulfilling the mostly imagined expectations of others can build up a sense of lack of fulfillment in areas of our life. We seek unconsciously to fill up those areas that we feel are overlooked in our marriage. We are sailing toward hidden reefs and these unspoken hidden agendas in our life can literally explode with power given the ideal situation. Always these strangely coincidental circumstances parade themselves as some form of love and love justifies many wrongs. We find ourselves drawn into a web of deception and devastating cycle of events.

Let me tease out the scenario for you: You work and interact with someone of the opposite sex, there is no doubt that we all work through the possibilities and the dangers in our minds. We flirt with the possibilities in our minds first and that is where this idea should be put to death. If we don’t the next stage is to “test” the waters; jokes, the knowing looks the casual touch, sharing little confidences. Now the private fantasies are growing in intensity; oddly coincidental meetings and some touching – you just like to be with that person and talk a lot – it is all happening, the current is drawing you now… over Niagara falls… 

How to have a Better Marriage Part 5

Most of us struggle with cultural and social understandings of relationships that are not founded in biblical truth. As Kiwis we have developed a particular style of weddings and married life that now reflects our culture. I have performed wedding services in Australia and USA and NZ. I have observed clear differences, the most notable being Kiwi tendency to leave many things unspoken. This is typical of our independent self reliant culture that would do the late John Wayne and most Masonic lodge members proud.

Further complicating marriage is a lack of understanding or training in interpersonal skills that enable us to grasp the significance of behavioral differences and make sense of one another. All in all, being married is not a simple business that naturally occurs; we have so many agendas and social hurdles to jump in order to meet the unspoken criteria of others expectations.

How to have a Better Marriage Part 4

There is a primeval motivation in our mating/courting behavior. This exists despite all our attempts to bury it beneath a veneer of respectability. We do joke about it but it can be uncomfortably true and therefore not a good subject for joking. We need to remember that we are not animals driven by instinct. Modern pundits extol the animal aspects of sex because they love to strip away any goodness and true virtue as if they were a Victorian curse; bringing us down to the lowest common level of understanding. When the covers are ripped away from the world’s view of sex it is ugly under there. There is much straining for imagined “highs” leading to deviation, experimentation; producing demoralization jaded appetites and finally moral corruption.

True Christianity does not seek to put the covers back on! Neither does it seek to encourage falseness and pseudo-Victorianism but to bring relational quality and a dimension of fulfillment back into real marriages. Those relationship differences that lead to deviations and marital problems can be repaired by developing better communication between both partners. One of these issues is that of privacy. Nakedness and shame are associated values. Adam and Eve were naked but unashamed until they felt exposed by the truth of their sin. All flesh recoils from truth e.g. you can’t mix sex and funerals can you? All people who are trying to avoid the reality of their lives are shamelessly

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…uncovering in a desperate attempt to pretend there is no truth but they are not nude as they tell us, they are naked!

Nudity is normal in private. Nakedness is a public thing. Women do not fear nudity; they fear nakedness and their husbands motivation will determine which it is by maintaining righteousness. Old Victorian standards (the age of hypocrisy) still prevail but in fact it is either prudish behavior or religious behavior or worse, both. What women need are respect and above all a sense of security.

The so-called marble slab routine wives are sometimes accused of because of unresponsive reaction to male “overtures” are mostly because of the issues we have just discussed. The husband holds the key to this chastity belt, it is called trust. Now it is true that what was once known as the “wowser” attitude (puritanical) does invade our bedrooms with low expectations and correspondently low response; this not helped by methods or Porn Movies or introducing weird sex into the relationship. It is only helped by understanding and trust.

There has been an appalling lack of loving consideration shown toward women in the religious world. We are blessed our wives don’t wear Burka’s but in Old Catholic Church times they pretty much did. Women were and still are not culturally conditioned to enjoying sex in marriage. They have not expected much and now the pendulum is swinging the other way. Instead of elevating good relationships, the world has gone for deviation and twisted expectations driven by a sexual performance fear. People have become jaded and faded and feel they must go to extremes to find pleasure. This has led to the market driven need for pills and all sorts of paraphernalia to enhance sexual prowess. This is spawning a whole new set of false expectations for men and women and as result we are now bombarded with issues of impotence etc.

The everyday dysfunctions of our physical relationships such as premature ejaculation or difficulty in achieving orgasm are normal. With good open communication and reading some decent book, you can overcome these issues because mutual respect and trust is in place. The over emphasis of female response and male size/prowess in our over-sexualized society has created nothing but frustration and disappointment. Pulp fiction and TV writers have a lot to answer for.

It is interesting to note that these writers almost never discuss the very ordinary aspects of sex such as kids, contraception and Kleenex. These are the realities of life along with the matter of pregnancy. As Christians we have a sense of timing for conception. We want to raise godly families in due season. The same applies to contraception which ultimately should be a man’s decision. When the “madness” that strikes us to want more kids, is finally over, the husband could discuss and agree with his wife, pray, then go and have a vasectomy. This is acting responsibly towards our wife by taking the initiative.

As to the practical aspects of “making love” there are excellent books out there which you should both choose to read. In Old Testament times they had the Song of Solomon as a source of good hints. They were not into having heads full of knowledge like modern generations and knew very little of other people’s opinions, consequently they were not filled with wrong expectations. They did live in tents and were much more natural about such matters so would not have many problems. 

How to have a Better Marriage Part 3

WO-man! In Hebrew means “out of man” and so, complementary to man; not different to man but refined dust; the differences are sex based.

The first command given to man is “be fruitful!” (Genesis 1:28.) Using the theological “law of first reference,” it means “no limitations.” God introduced woman to the man with a command to multiply. This is a holy and righteous thing; no laws and no shame. Eden was a place of beauty and glory and we see that Adam “knew” his wife. This profound Hebrew word ‘Yada’ means to know completely and intimately. They were one flesh. Yes, Proverbs 5:21 “..a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths.”  God approved.

The bible acknowledges the ‘pressures’ 1 Corinthians 7:9: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”  1 Corinthians 7:2-5: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

The last 65 years have been a major test for marriages: We live longer; men don’t go off for long periods of time to war or such adventures; we live in a pressure-cooker environment; there is no “confinement” for pregnancy; contraception and abortion are major issues and so forth. All this is mostly unprecedented in history so we have had no examples as a reference point. 

How to have a Better Marriage Part 2

There is a bunch of good material written about marriage and it must generate a lot of money for some. People seem to collect books about it and I have noticed some excellent books on the shelves of people who are less than successful at the game and needing help. Always the story seems familiar: “my situation is unique” they seem to be saying. I have heard the same from people who have severe illnesses in words like, “the doctor tells me my condition is very rare” etc. We all believe we are unique and largely this is true but marriages fail for a very ordinary even ancient reason: Broken commitment.

The good news is there is such a thing as “restored commitment” but more about that later. Right now we have an urgent question to address in this age of NO commitment: Why do people marry when all around are examples of quiet failure? We have ‘partners’, common law, de facto, significant others and “the person I live with…For the sake of the kids” etc. Society is pretty good at hiding the ugly truth rather like the subject of death. All these less-than-married status titles mean that people have no anchor and are drifting on a sea of ultimate disaster.

How to have a Better Marriage Part 1

Marriage is a biblical concept and while other beliefs and cultures value similar arrangements, as Christians we have a powerful advantage in order to make our marriages happy, enduring and a testimony to the power of the Lord. Why then do Christians share the same divorce rate as the rest of the world?

Many marriages are like the South Indian medi-pandu fruit; like a delicious strawberry outwardly but full of worms inside! During the so-called Cold War period we learned that the standoff between nations was called ‘détente’. Some marriages are in this state; both partners acknowledge there is a problem but don’t find the time or opportunity to fix it. In reality they don’t know how to fix it.